Your favorite pro-football team's head coach should be fired if...
- His team is outscored by more than 75 points in the first two weeks of a season.
- His team scores one touchdown or less in a four-week span.
- He grows a beard that would make Charles Manson blush (not that we'd see it).
- Said beard was inspired by a winning-streak that began with a victory over the NFL's lone-winless team.
- He refers to Tyler Palko, at any point and under any circumstance, as a "starting quarterback".
- He ensures his team's star safety has a season-ending injury by sending him back out onto the field three plays after the original injury occurred in the opening game of the season.
- He refers to Tyler Palko, at any point and under any circumstance, as a "backup quarterback".
- He maintains a maturity-level less than that of Josh McDaniels.
- The leading candidate to succeed him is Josh McDaniels.
- The second-leading candidate to succeed him is Charlie Weis, the offensive coordinator he ran off after just one season.
- He insists Tyler Palko gives his team the "best chance to win".
- He has us begging for THIS GUY ---->
- He deactivates Jamaal Charles in favor of Dantrell Savage in his second game as an NFL head coach.
- His injury-prone starting tight-end is in uniform and on the field in the final quarter of the final game of a preseason.
- His injury-prone starting tight-end tears his ACL and is lost for the season in the final quarter of the final game of a preseason.
- He refers to Tyler Palko, at any point and under any circumstance, as an "individual worthy of occupying an NFL roster spot".
- His 4-7 team's security staff will confiscate your camera if you take a picture of the practice facility — from the outside.
- He wears a hat presumably stored between games in front of his vehicle's exhaust.
- He looks homeless...
- ...and smelly.
- He wastes an entire week of preparation for Kyle Orton to either fool the Bears or to, you know ... ACTUALLY FREAKING START TYLER PALKO!!!!!
So, in conclusion, your favorite pro-football team's head coach should be fired if...
...his name is Todd Haley.