PRESENTING:
Your favorite pro-football team's head coach should be fired if...
- His team is outscored by more than 75 points in the first two weeks of a season.
- His team scores one touchdown or less in a four-week span.
- He grows a beard that would make Charles Manson blush (not that we'd see it).
- Said beard was inspired by a winning-streak that began with a victory over the NFL's lone-winless team.
- He refers to Tyler Palko, at any point and under any circumstance, as a "starting quarterback".
- He ensures his team's star safety has a season-ending injury by sending him back out onto the field three plays after the original injury occurred in the opening game of the season.
- He refers to Tyler Palko, at any point and under any circumstance, as a "backup quarterback".
- He maintains a maturity-level less than that of Josh McDaniels.
- The leading candidate to succeed him is Josh McDaniels.
- The second-leading candidate to succeed him is Charlie Weis, the offensive coordinator he ran off after just one season.
- He insists Tyler Palko gives his team the "best chance to win".
- He has us begging for THIS GUY ---->
- He deactivates Jamaal Charles in favor of Dantrell Savage in his second game as an NFL head coach.
- His injury-prone starting tight-end is in uniform and on the field in the final quarter of the final game of a preseason.
- His injury-prone starting tight-end tears his ACL and is lost for the season in the final quarter of the final game of a preseason.
- He refers to Tyler Palko, at any point and under any circumstance, as an "individual worthy of occupying an NFL roster spot".
- His 4-7 team's security staff will confiscate your camera if you take a picture of the practice facility — from the outside.
- He wears a hat presumably stored between games in front of his vehicle's exhaust.
- He looks homeless...
- ...and smelly.
- He wastes an entire week of preparation for Kyle Orton to either fool the Bears or to, you know ... ACTUALLY FREAKING START TYLER PALKO!!!!!
So, in conclusion, your favorite pro-football team's head coach should be fired if...
...his name is Todd Haley.
I digress.
Please appreciate that I am writing this response after a HORRENDOUS loss to the fairly punchless NY JETS, a team that has struggled to win very ugly games.
ReplyDeleteThis one was ugly, but only for the GRIEFS, who were laughed at by Ian Eagle on another ridiculous onside-kick attempt, were held to 3 points, and who managed to give up a 90-yard TD drive by providing 80 yards in penalties.
Everyone in my neighborhood had the television off and was headed to the mall by halftime; a trip to SuperTarget during the Christmas rush seems like a GOOD time to chilling out and watching the hometown Chiefs.
Haley once again showed how undisciplined he is, and he showed (via LaRon McClain's outburst) that he has little control over his team, who:
A. Quit on him
B. Disgraced the hometown
C. Made an anemic Shonn Greene (Shonn Greene!) look like Roger Craig
These playcalls are stupid. This faith in Palko (Tyler freaking Palko!) is stupid. Fans paying $65 per ticket and $27 for parking is INSANE. (I will be very pleased to see Arrowhead crawling with Green and Gold next week when the Packers come to town and annihilate Clark Hunt's "Budget-Friendly" Chiefs in front of 1/2 a house of Cheeseheads; Another stomping will at least turn the heat up on Haley, raise our draft status a hair)
I hope that you continue to press the accelerator hard on writing columns calling for Haley's head. I will look fwd to your final season grades. Right now, Haley would be a D-, Pioli would be an F.